Houston Adoption Birth Photographer | Chase
What an incredible thing to be hired as this family's birth photographer. There are many different interpretations as what a family is and what it means. Quite simply put, though, a family means you are a part of something. It means that you will be loved for the rest of your life. For some of us, it is easy to dream about our future of raising a family and what that will look like. We don't expect that when it comes time to begin to grow that family that we will be thrown curve balls. The ability to grow your family in whatever means you have hits home for me on so many levels that very few people know about. Bottom line, my kids are miracles and Blessings to me, even if it were easy for me to have them. Even if they were ready to come before I knew I was ready to become a mom. Regardless, I could never imagine someone not being able to ride the roller coaster of emotions that I have in regards to my kids, especially if that's what they long to do.
I didn't think I would do this story justice without giving Mom the opportunity to tell it in her own words. It's an amazing story and she definitely took advantage of being able to tell it. :) I have copied her story below Chase's slideshow, so please feel free to read and leave comments for this beautiful family. I am so sad that they don't live here in Houston, but so happy that "Houston" has brought them their child... 5 long years later.
Meet Chase.
Date: October 14, 2014
Delivered at: Clear Lake Regional Medical Center
Song: Something Beautiful by Andrea Marie
Thank you, Stephanie, for taking the time to put your journey into words. I know you will inspire others who are on the fence about the next step in growing their family, or equally what to do to give their child a life they deserve.
Chase ‘n Dreams
It was 2009 when John and I began our journey to become parents. Seems like a lifetime ago. We were as prepared as a couple could be - plenty of space in our new home, stable careers, family support and life plans for days! For more than a year, we tried to get pregnant the old-fashioned way, without too much pressure or panic when early pregnancy tests came back with that dreaded minus symbol. The more we saw that symbol, the more the process became a process and not a fun, natural, intimate act of love.
Seeking Fertility Help
Before long, fear and hopelessness swept in and we met with a fertility specialist to find out why we weren’t getting pregnant. Interestingly, fertility doctors begin the in-depth tests on the most likely culprit, not always both people, and we soon learned that John has a chromosomal translocation, a condition that is usually only problematic for a person trying to reproduce; When the cell tries to divide, excessive or missing genetic material prevents growth. I’ll never forget finding out about this in the parking lot of our favorite sushi restaurant...by phone. I can still see the look of sorrow and guilt on my husband’s face. The doctor recommended we find a sperm donor and begin fertility treatments. We were devastated and in mourning over the biological child we would never have.
Over the next year, I was pumped full of hormones and other fertility drugs and tried six IUI treatments (artificial insemination). Nothing about this process was simple. One drug caused large, painful ovarian cysts that had to rupture before the next treatment could be administered. The drug to combat that issue caused my lining to thin out, which was likely the reason a fertilized egg couldn’t attach (if the swimmers even made it “home”). Hormonally, I was such a mess I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without sobbing. If I saw a baby or pregnant woman, I would break down - not from jealousy, but from uncontrollable hormones and heartbreak. After 6 cycles of IUI a few other treatments and tests, our doctor determined I was not a strong candidate for in vitro fertilization. We weren’t expecting this news. I had already put my nursery together. How could science fail us? We were sure it would work. We were heartbroken once again.
To Adopt or Not to Adopt
Because I’ve never been one to sit on my hands when I want something, I began researching and calling adoption agencies to see what our our options were. Nine out of 10 times, I’d end up on the phone with a person who seemed unempathetic, even cold , likely because adoption is another day at the office for them, not an emotional thing. I would end up getting off the call in tears, feeling hopeless. Our struggle didn’t matter. For the most part, my husband was “too old” or we weren’t religious enough to be considered (because we weren’t members of a church). Those who would consider us felt more like baby brokers; White, female babies with no drug or alcohol exposure would cost us $50,000. African-American baby boys with fetal alcohol syndrome could be bought on clearance for the cheap price of $25,000. Seriously? I couldn’t believe my ears.
As a last resort, I called Nashville’s most popular adoption attorney for advice and was told we were in for a long, hard and potentially unsuccessful journey. John was 54, we didn’t sing in the church choir, and we were up against “saint couples.” She said, “Your best bet is to tell your friends and hope that someone knows someone who is pregnant and considering a private adoption."
For the first time, I threw in the towel. It seemed impossible. I gave away everything in the nursery, except for a few sentimental items of my nephews, which were stored away in what would become my “drawer of dreams.”
I threw myself into my passion for animal rescue and tried to run from the pain. By using my talent to help Agape Animal Rescue elevate its community presence and raise funds, I got to be a part of hundreds of success stories - changing the lives of humans and dogs through adoption.
Rescuing Myself By Rescuing Animals
Through my work with Agape Animal Rescue, I found myself with a whole new and very large family. I was honing my skills in PR, all through connections I made through Agape, and realized the incredible power of social media. After a year or so of ignoring my pain and desire to become a parent, I decided it was time to MAKE my dream a reality.
Baby Wanted
It’s important to note that during my year off, there were a few adoption possibilities - none with potential, something I know now that I’m an adoption industry veteran. By the way, I seriously dislike the term “Adoption industry.”
The real, full-throttle campaign started in October of 2013. My first move was to produce, but not over-produce, an adoption video to share on social media. It was scary being so vulnerable, but John and I knew that’s what it would take. We opened our hearts and home with hopes that someone would see it and connect with us. The video went up on YouTube, and Facebook became my new best friend. We were sharing it, our friends were sharing it, and their friends were sharing it.
Determined to find Baby Willis, John and I decided to go ahead and get home study approved. We reached out to Adoption Assistance, a Nashville-based agency, and started the daunting application process - birth certificates, divorce papers, fingerprints, income documents, blah, blah, blah. I was told this process takes most families weeks, sometimes months, to pull together. In five days, my binder with tabs and shiny sheet protectors was assembled and we were ready to go! I shared our struggles with Carole, the director at Adoption Assistance, and was thrilled to finally speak to someone with compassion. While she isn’t allowed to professionally recommend resources, she shared that other families with stories similar to ours had found success with an adoption attorney in California, Jan Chamerat. By now you know I don’t waste time, so by the end of that day, I was on the phone with Jan. She was hopeful, resourceful, and willing to listen to me. Her fee was reasonable in comparison to the agencies and brokers I’d spoken with the prior year. John and I did our research, calling other families working with her, and made the decision to make her a part of our team. She highly recommended we also contract Shannon Burwell to assist us with marketing and provide emotional support. I will admit I wasn’t thrilled about the added expense of marketing help when that is what I do, but I will later explain the enormous gift Shannon’s guidance and friendship really were (are).
A Match Made in....California
Our first match came on Valentine’s Day in 2014. Our attorney, Jan, presented our brand new profile book to a 17 year-old girl in Santa Maria, California. We weren’t her first choice. She’d chosen another family of Jan’s, who decided they weren’t interested when they learned of the birthmom’s meth use during the first months of the pregnancy. We were thrilled to be her second choice. She said she chose us because our dogs were cute and she thought I was beautiful. That wasn’t the deep, heartfelt reason I was hoping for, but hey, she was having a baby girl and she wanted John and I to be her parents. We flew to California, matched with her, and spent the next 2 months getting to know each other. We flew out for the induction, which resulted in a c-section, and spent 3 days falling in love with a baby girl who would never be ours. The birthmom changed her mind the evening before we were to leave the hospital with her.
Our hearts were broken. As far as we were concerned, we’d just lost our own child. We came home to a empty house full of baby things.
Mad and Determined
We went through all of the stages of grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This is when I truly understood the importance of having a team. Jan and Shannon, along with our friends and family, helped pick us up off the floor. We channeled our heartbreak into action. I put up a new adoption website, sent out 1000 fliers and letters to churches and OB-Gyns, actively posted our video and blogs on Facebook, and joined online profile websites to increase our odds of reaching a birthmom.
Adoptimist, my favorite online networking site, was the outlet that restored my faith in the adoption process. You could compare Adoptimist to an online dating site, only without the meddling of a third party. Adoptive families create profiles that birthmoms can discretely follow....and contact if they’re interested. Maybe it’s because they spend a lot of money on advertising or because they have a hip, user-friendly website, or maybe it’s because we had a compelling profile, but for months, we got at least one birthmom call or e-mail a week! We had a few scammers contact us, but we also spoke to some wonderful and not-so-wonderful women who were really pregnant and really wanted us to adopt their babies.
Is That Your Final Answer?
We matched with a Kentucky woman we met through Adoptimist on Mother’s Day and thought our time had finally come. Things were going great, and then weeks, even a month once, passed, and her absence concerned us. Though she was unaware, we continued our search. We spoke to several other leads that came to us through Adoptimist, but none that felt right for us. During this time, Jan continued to present us to birthmoms, but we were not chosen. We still had Kentucky, right?
We were packing for a trip to Los Angeles on June 24th, when the phone rang. A nervous, but well-spoken woman from La Porte, Texas (Houston area) explained that she’d found our adoption video on YouTube and wanted to know if we were still looking. Technically, we were semi-matched with the KY mom, but our guts were not set on that situation. We decided we’d arrange a visit once back from L.A. and continued to get to know her through texts and calls. Before we were back home, our flights to Houston were booked.
Interestingly, as we were landing at Nashville International Airport, I turned my phone on to find a message from a friend saying there was a local teen who was pregnant and looking for a family to adopt her baby. We agreed to meet with her, too.
The day before we were to fly to Houston to meet “Houston,” another woman contacted us through Adoptimist.
Two weeks later, we had FOUR birthmoms to chose from. We were in shock! Our luck had been terrible for 4 years. Now we have options? We were open with two of the birthmoms about our situation, and Houston’s response was our first clue that we’d met our match. Her response went something like this:
“Of course you can take a few days. Take longer if you need to. I have peace about this. If you guys chose another birthmom, I hope we can stay in touch, because I want to see your family grow. I will keep you in my prayers.”
I was not expecting that reaction. I cried and prayed for two days. I leaned heavily on Jan and Shannon to help guide us. On the evening of July 10th, John said, “If you could take the living expenses, overbearing uncles and order of calls off the table, who would you pick? What does your gut say?” Without hesitation, I blurted out, “Houston.” That was beginning of the most beautiful miracle.
Good thing, because we later found out that “Kentucky” was a scammer, the worst kind of scammer - a sociopath who enjoys hurting people emotionally.
Houston
She was too good to be true, but she was real. She wanted us in the delivery room. She wanted us to care for and bond with the baby in the hospital. She was open to our ideas for the post-adoption terms. She was incredibly kind, compassionate, intelligent, beautiful and perfect...for us.
I felt great early on, but the deal was sealed when I flew out to spend the day and visit the doctor with “Houston.” I realized she wasn’t just an incredible person, she was our angel on earth. She was my friend, someone I loved. Her attitude was positive, uplifting. I felt at peace. Against the odds we knew so well, I felt attached to the active baby boy growing inside of her. I loved both of them. I loved that she referred to him as “your son” and Baby Chase. She loved us too.
The baby, who we had already named after John’s baby brother (who lost his life in Houston in the early 90s), was expected to arrive on October 17th, but we were called to fly out a week early. We got there a bit prematurely, but it gave us the opportunity to spend time with Houston. We even got to drive her to the hospital. It was really important to her that we got to be a part of everything. She even gave us the okay to hire a birth photographer, as Chase’s arrival should be and was documented.
Being at the hospital wasn’t awkward. We were there with family. Even through the pain of contractions, Houston was wonderful. We’d lock eyes and have conversations without saying a word. Nurses would come in and tell us how our story inspired them. We were proud of that. We had a common goal to change the perception of adoption, to show people that it can be beautiful for everyone involved.
At 10:00 pm, the doctor decided Houston’s contractions weren’t progressing and made the decision to deliver Chase via C-section. Only one person could go in the operating room, and just like she’d perfectly planned everything else, Houston had already made the decision to have me go in. I will never forget hugging John before I went in. I felt like I could faint. I was so excited, so scared, so EVERYTHING.
John, our birth photographer and Houston’s friend were all escorted into the OR nursery and I went in to hold Houston’s hand. There was a power between us that I can’t even put into words. My heart had never felt so big, so full. Within minutes, the doctor told me to come around and get ready. Then....I saw him. I sobbed, not quite as loudly as he did, but we cried together. We were quickly sent over to the nursery to meet Daddy and were given skin on skin time. John fed him. We sat there looking at the little boy we’d dreamed of for so long. It was finally real. We were finally parents. Technically, Houston had 48 hours to change her mind, but we weren’t worried. This was a God thing. We all believed that and still do.
Without hesitation, John and I posted a picture of our son on Facebook, because we wanted and needed to share our miracle with all who had supported us over the years. The love and well wishes came flooding in and we were so glad that so many prayers had been answered. It was a glorious night.
Chase is 16 days old now, and as I look through the pictures of his birthday, I’m overcome with emotions. I am so glad we made the decision to bring in Stephanie Shirley to photograph our miracle baby. Seeing the photos will certainly inspire many more chapters of the book I will write about this journey.
How ironic is it that after a year of trying the old-fashioned way, 1 year of fertility treatments, 1000 letters to churches and OB-Gyns, 3 online profiles, 2 agencies, 3 attorneys, $75,000, 11 possible matches and one scammer, it was our video on YouTube, a free video site, that sent “Houston” and Baby Chase to us. A birthmom knew in her heart that she would find the right family to raise her son, and through a random, or maybe fateful, YouTube search, she found us. She believes in her heart that God used her as a catalyst to give us what we longed for, what we worked for and prayed for - a child of our own to love forever.
The most important lesson we learned is that you are as strong as the people around you. Without Jan, Shannon, Carole and Jackie at Adoption Assistance, and our incredible community of friends and families, and GOD, this proud moment would’ve never happened. Chase is all of ours. We’re not stingy.
When we got off the airplane in Nashville, carrying our son in a blanket from my drawer of dreams, we were greeted by a group of our friends and family, eager to see our little family - a testament of their support. One person was holding a sign that I will always remember; It read, “YouTube Miracle Baby.” He really is our YouTube miracle baby.
For those of you dreaming of your own miracle, don’t listen to people who tell you “Good things come to those who wait.” In reality, good things come to those who work their butts off and never give up.
Even though I hear the unsolicited, negative, tiring and stressful warnings from parents every day (about no sleep, no alone time, absence of date nights, etc.), I say BRING IT ON! John and I have waited a long time for this little fella and we will never take him for granted. We know you have good intentions. :-)